(Or, 'The Returning-ining-ining')
To anyone bored enough to read this, hey; it's been a while.
My last journal update was done what, three years ago?
Some of you may have caught me floating around the site, leaving comments and posting on this image and that one, but not really uploading anything on a consistent basis.
My long bouts of inactivity are due to a few reasons:
Chief among them is that quite frankly, I feel as if my work is inadequate. When I look at the site around me, my work feels so small and insignificant. There are hundreds of thousands of people registered on this site, perhaps even millions. I look at the amazing artists who post huge pages of 'scrappy' artwork and 'bad' sketches and I say to myself, "It looks so..easy; why can't I do the same?" I know with seniority and practice comes skill, but after so long, it's been starting to gnaw at me. Hollowing me out in a sense, scooping all the "I can do it!" out and replacing it with "I don't think I'll ever be as good as them."
It's gotten to the point where I'm almost too embarrassed to post new stuff online. I can draw something, sure, but put it away for a few hours and look at it again, and I'll find flaws that I just haven't seen before.
("Shoulders too big here, an eye off center there..wait, is the head too big? Ahh screw it, I'll just scrap the whole damn image." That sort of thing.)
It's extremely frustrating, to say the absolute least; especially for someone who can be a real perfectionist when they want to. I didn't (and still don't) want my page to become a dumping ground for whatever I draw; I made this account so I could display my best works to the world.
So, I've just been avoiding doing any art for the majority of my time: procrastinating, gaming, making lists of ideas for drawings that I never follow through with.
However, believe it or not, I'm not looking for comfort or sympathy in this entry. I know that I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way, and I'm not pretending to be. So, I determined, that I've just got to suck it up and try to find a way to deal with it.
To that end, I'm planning to devote more time and energy towards artistic pursuits. Yes, I am artistically way below the bar, and yes, I do realize that. I still probably won't be uploading very often (just tarted college), but I do plan on making a few changes around here:
>I'm trying to find a way to get my hands on a tablet so I can finally make the transition from traditional to digital art
>Thinking of putting all my previous entries into a single folder in preparation for newer (and hopefully better) artwork
>Trying to get a few personal projects up and running.
>Thinking of completely refurbishing the page; writing a new bio, that sort of thing.
> Last but not least, I'm thinking of becoming a CORE member in relation to streamlining my gallery. CORE members get access all those fancy privileges like journal skins and sub-folders.
>Also thinking of using CORE to change my name to something substantially less cringy. Seriously, I was really out of ideas for a name when I made this account.
Well, that's all for now; I look forward to updating.
Stay safe, and have a pleasant day.